Marriage Intimacy

Building Good Marriages That Last

Marriage intimacy for too many couples is becoming less and less. They need help to build good marriages and sound marriage advice.                          We hear this too many times: 

“My wife told me she wants a divorce. She’s sick of feeling lonely in the relationship and wants to enjoy her life with someone who really cares about her. I was shocked by those words from someone I love! I knew that our sex life wasn’t good, and that our arguments had become more frequent, but I didn’t think things were that bad.”

 

“Loving my wife should be easier, shouldn’t it?”

“It seemed so easy in the beginning. Our marriage was perfect. Our personalities were different but we seemed to complement each other. Now our differences just seem to bring frustration. The intimacy we felt in our marriage has dried up. The more we fought the more we distanced ourselves from each other and turned to our friends and family instead.”

Feeling like “where did my marriage intimacy go?” Every good marriage will experience disappointment and frustration at times, but the biggest damage is not the emotional turmoil, but what you do with it. Some let those feelings build up over the years, but others find a way to work through them as a couple. Occasionally, if they are brave enough, couples may finally turn to a trained therapist to support them through the challenges.

According to Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert, “Couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help.” That’s a long time to feel angry and resentful!

Catching your relationship before it declines too far and getting expert marriage advice sooner is a lot better plan than trying to repair years of damage!

A good marriage can be tough, but the fight to build a strong relationship is worth it. Most couples start off with love and passion. There’s no reason why they can’t get back to the intimacy that drew them together.

Living with unmet needs, disappointment and hurts that have been suppressed, wondering if your relationship will survive, is no way to live. Nor is living in a sexless marriage, waiting for your partner to act on their threat of divorce, or choose to have an affair.

As a counsellor and therapist, my goal has always been to empower couples with inspiration, support, marriage advice, and the tools they need to strengthen them to build a good marriage. 

The need for help and support was heightened through the Covid-19 pandemic that swept throughout the world. This inspired me to write my first marriage book – The Marriage Playbook. It’s a playful and engaging marriage book, encouraging couples to pursue the marriage of their dreams through the good times and the bad.

Your relationship is worth every effort! Maybe it’s time to stop fighting in your marriage and start fighting for your marriage. There is no better time to recover your relationship and get it back to where it belongs.

1. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

If things have been challenging for you both and you’re not where you want to be, or you’re not experiencing a good marriage, take responsibility for the change that needs to happen. One option is to put all of your partner’s problems and mistakes under a microscope. The other option, is to use a mirror and take a look at yourself.

The signs of a good marriage are when you have the ability to see beyond your own disappointments and understand how your actions have impacted your partner.

Is it time to get out of the blame game?

It feels natural to go on the defensive when things get confrontational, but successful marriages are ones where the couple accept the part they played in the disagreement rather than blaming their partner. This takes the heat out of the argument and refocuses the attention where it belongs.

Change is possible, but the best kind of change starts with you.

If you haven’t grabbed our Marriage Playbook which is full of marriage advice yet, can I recommend you do that? It will be the best investment into your marriage and yourself you can make.

 

2. BUILD INTIMACY

Whether you’ve been in your marriage for six months or 60 years, intimacy is the heartbeat of your relationship. Often, we think of intimacy as sex, but it’s so much more than that.

Emotional intimacy is where good connection starts, it’s about the interactions outside of the bedroom, too. Communicating and getting sound marriage advice about your feelings, needs and dreams, supporting each other and building trust, spending quality time together all build a deep sense of trust.

Physical intimacy is a powerful gift for a couple. A romantic touch, affection, and sex will set off the spark that is needed to feel close and connected as a couple.

These two forms of intimacy work hand in hand, as a couple invest time filling each other’s emotional love tank, sex and passion become the natural result of that loving and caring relationship.

 

3. GROW THROUGH COMMUNICATION

Somebody once said: In a good marriage you either grow or you learn.

We all make mistakes and hurt each other through our words and actions, purposefully or by mistake. It’s through those challenges that we become better at communicating and in the process, learn more about each other.

Healthy communication is the foundation of a great marriage. Feeling safe enough to share your feelings, needs, and your perspective is where understanding begins. 

With honest and transparent conversations, we allow our mistakes to become monuments to our growth.

Good marriages become great when the couple recognizes that every relationship is a journey. We stand at the altar as two imperfect people with hearts that love, and hearts that can be broken. There will be good times and bad, but we don’t give up. By learning to love our wife, and love our husband, we grow and become stronger.

 

4. FORGIVE OFTEN

This is one of the most important piece of marriage advice. Forgiveness is the gift that we spend a lifetime giving. As Ruth Bell Graham said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

Couples that don’t practice this powerful truth end up angry and bitter. Couples who do put in the effort and get sound marriage advice bring healing to their marriage.

We’re all guilty of hurting each other at times. Forgiveness is the gift you give each other that allows your relationship to have a fresh, new start. It is the foundation on which you will keep building the marriage of your dreams!

Fiona Leeworthy is a Counsellor & Family Therapist, and her husband Rick is a business owner and inspiring mentor in the Albury/Wodonga area; together they are the founders of Unbreakable Love. Their goals are to provide support, marriage advice, and inspiration for couples wanting to strengthen their relationship through their private Facebook group, relationship courses, marriage books and their latest app, Spark.

Their marriage book, The Marriage Playbook was released in 2021 to support couples with daily steps to ignite passion and connection in their relationship. The Marriage Playbook has compelling topics to discuss, with questions and tips that will deepen a couple’s intimacy and inspire them to build a healthy marriage.

 

The bible is filled with scriptures for loving one another; now, these are not just for outside of a relationship, but can also be applied in a relationship. One of the most renowned marriage verses is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 as it talks about what love is. Another marriage verse is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 which shares the true partnership between two people, of being in the highs and lows together and the true strength. These are just two marriage verses, however there is a whole book in the bible filled with love scriptures: Song of Songs, or Songs of Solomon. Why not read it together?

Many couples have experienced a time when they were in a sexless marriage, so rest assured you are not alone. Being in a sexless marriage - even for a short period - can often create a rift between a couple, especially if one has a higher sex drive than the other. Having a sexless marriage, however, doesn't mean you must seek pleasure elsewhere - whether it's in another person or porn. Talk to each other first, is there an underlying factor? Or could it be that your partner hasn't even thought of it? Another option is to seek expert marriage advice by way of either a counsellor or even expert marriage books, such as our Marriage Playbook which is filled with marriage advice for any occasion, fun challenges, and thought provoking questionnaires and scenarios. 

We believe so, yes! Often that spark isn’t gone forever, it's just been lost under the ash, or hidden under the charred logs. However, you both need to put in the effort; when you really want something, you put your all into it. Think of your current situation as an injured baby animal - you need to give it love and attention, mend its wounds however long it needs, and let it know its safe. If you don't know where to start, or need some good marriage advice, download our Marriage Playbook now.

Marriage advice is almost always seen as serious and solemn, so here is some funny marriage advice you can try! 

  • When it comes to those annoying arguments, one piece of funny marriage advice is simply this: buy your own tube of toothpaste. Seems ridiculous right? But this way there's no arguments about it being empty, or using it wrong.
  • This may seem 'childish' but feed each other; be it a cute cake, a lazy breakfast in bed, the other has had a crap day - just add some romance and care into a simple everyday thing.
  • This one is more fun than funny marriage advice, but set little challenges for each other! Who can wash the dog the fastest; who can put everything in the right spot the quickest (fun for cleaning); etc.